


She Has No Empathy

by SleepingInTheMeadow



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26263504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepingInTheMeadow/pseuds/SleepingInTheMeadow
Summary: After Mary Margaret adopts a child, Regina grows jealous of Mary Margaret, and instead of sacrificing her pride in adopting a child herself, she spends all her time around them both. TW: Eating disorder
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Hold On For Me

**Author's Note:**

> I had a thought. What if Mary Margaret adopted a child instead of Regina? And then this idea was born. Please send feedback, and I hope you enjoy! Don't worry, this is SnowQueen Endgame, and if there's any confusion, this isn't Henry, only renamed. This is a different child. I just thought it would make more sense. Stay safe, love you all!

Regina

Against all odds, Mary Margaret is happy. I miss seeing her miserable expression everywhere I looked, but instead of the permanent gaping hole in her eyes, someone filled that gap with joy.

His name was Leo. A living, breathing reminder of my past, the man that I hoped would burn in hell, along with his namesake and everything he lived for. An ancestor of the horrid man that never failed to make me feel hurt and disgusted as soon as I walked into a room. And now he lives on in her babbling, drooling child.

Even if Leo represented the worst man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing, he was adorable. Mary Margaret had talked to me many times about the adoption process, how much money it cost her, and how long she had to wait, and all I could think was, It sure costs a lot for happiness, now doesn't it? I learned that the hard way, so I took pride in thinking she had to work this hard for a _child_. A child that she would never have had to _pay_ for, in the Enchanted Forest.

But I knew I had lost when my eyes swept over the newly-lit love filling her eyes, shining from across the street as she grinned down at the sleeping boy in his stroller. What kind of humour did the universe _have?_ Was this some horrible nightmare concocted by my mind to make me pity herself more? I found myself terribly disappointed when I pinched my forearm and felt nothing but my sharp fingernails digging into my skin.

I could've adopted a child if I wanted, but she already did. I couldn't go about adopting a baby without her knowing that she was the one who showed me that being alone is an option. I wouldn't hear the end of it, constant chattering of when I was getting my child, names I had in mind, and I couldn't stand that insufferable woman any more than I can now.

Instead, I settled with passing them both on the street and stopping to say hello to the little guy. He would always babble on happily and laugh when I swept a thumb over his cheek, or scrunched my nose at him like a bunny, smiling gently. Then I would get off my knees in front of the stroller and mutter an ice-cold "Miss Blanchard," before passing her to get my coffee.

Somehow, Leo looked like a replica of Mary Margaret. He had deep emerald eyes that anyone could spend hours getting lost in, small wisps of jet-black hair, and milky white skin.

He was always the best part of my day. Even if it was one of my good days, or my bad, he would giggle and smile at me like my darkness or my loneliness didn't matter to him. It was a breath of fresh air from the other citizens burdening Storybrooke with their presences.

I nearly ran into Miss Blanchard and Leo on my way to work.

"Madame Mayor, just the person I was looking for," Mary Margaret greeted.

"Miss Blanchard," I offered coolly. "Leo," I cooed, much kinder to him than his mother. I crouched in front of his stroller and gently tickled him.

"Ruby asked me to go out with her for a ladies' night at The Rabbit Hole, and I _really_ need a sitter for Leo. You're the only one he's been good with."

"Not even Granny," I asked skeptically.

"Nope. He really likes you." I tapped my chin like I was thinking about it, but my mind was made up when Leo giggled in front of me.

"Fine. What time should I arrive?"

"Ruby said she's picking me up at six." I grinned at Leo and stood up. "Thank you so much."

"I hope that in the future, you don't abandon your son for a cosmopolitan and the latest gossip with your friends." She froze and stuttered for a minute, but I didn't hear a response from her as I left.

* * *

"Just a moment," her shrill voice called to me. I rolled my eyes and tapped my foot impatiently. Mary Margaret pulled open the door, bouncing Leo on her hip and nearly dropped her purse.

"I can't thank you enough. He has a bottle in the fridge, but I just fed him so he should be fine. He has diapers in the changing table upstairs, and he only falls asleep when you bounce him for a bit before bed. I'll be back soon. Be good Leo," she cooed. She pressed a kiss to Leo's cheek and handed him over to me. He looked confused for a moment, but instantly clung to the collar of my pantsuit and smiled up at me in a toothless grin.

I sat down on her horrible green couch and watched him. His hands reached out and grabbed at the open air.

I held onto his tiny hand with my fingers and watched his face light up. He brought my fingers to his mouth and licked them.

"Hey now, mister Leo. This is only our first date. I don't let kind young gentlemen like you lick my fingers on the first date." He ran his tongue over my fingers before dropping them and replacing them with his own tiny hands. I laughed, but stopped myself. He is the first person to make me laugh without having to threaten anyone in years. I laughed again. He would be the only person to hear me laugh like this.

"I'm thinking it's almost bedtime, huh little man?" I hugged him to my chest and brought him upstairs, to his changing table. I set his suddenly squirming body on the table and held a hand over his belly, while looking in the cupboards for his diapers.

"Ha," I exclaimed, before his giggles filled the room once more. I put the diaper beside his head and pulled off his clothes. I changed his diaper and bounced him on my hip like Mary Margaret said. He smiled at me once more before I placed him in his crib and pulled his blanket over his legs.

"Goodnight, little prince." I tickled his belly before clicking off the lights and I headed back downstairs. I pulled out a book from my purse and laid the length of my body over her couch.

I was nearly asleep when her keys jingled in their lock. I sat up quickly and watched her stride into her apartment, slightly drunk.

"He's asleep?" I nodded. "How was he, not much trouble I hope?"

"He was an angel."

"Thank you so much. I don't have any cash on me, but can I take you out to dinner as thanks?" I thought for a moment, but I didn't have to for very long.

"No thanks."

"But-"

"Goodnight Miss Blanchard." She watched silently as I swung my purse onto my shoulder and left. Any more time spent with that intolerable schoolteacher and I just may vomit. I walked to my car and slammed the door shut angrily. _Like always, she gets everything she wants, while I'm left with nothing._

* * *

I could admit that I was jealous. I always bragged to myself that this realm's version of the Evil Queen was much more jealous than me. At least _I_ had ulterior motives to poisoning her, other than her being prettier than me, but at this point in time, I was jealous that she had a baby, when angels as pure as her only deserved death.

The next time I saw her, I didn't run into her in the streets. She was in a booth in the diner eating a cheeseburger, while trying to feed Leo at the same time.

"Well, it's good to see that just because you aren't breastfeeding, you're staying healthy anyway," I remarked. I almost saw a bit of a smile play at her lips, but she turned down to give Leo his bottle. "I can feed Leo." She shot me a kind smile before picking him and hefting him into my arms.

"Hey Leo, you've been getting heavier since I saw you," I said to him softly. I felt her eyes scan over my face as she found none of the malice I've thrown at her for uncountable years. She grinned before biting into her greasy lunch. Granny never fails at bringing diabetes to Storybrooke. I sat down beside her in the booth and held him in my arms like a dish of my lasagna in my favourite glass dish, draping an arm around his waist protectively, before lowering the bottle to his waiting lips

"Can you _please_ let me take you out to dinner?"

"Why? Looking for a _hot date?"_ I smiled at Leo as I heard her get flustered and stumble over her words. Leo laughed in my lap.

"No…um, you did something and…I should pay you back." I looked up at her face to see her eyes boring into mine. She is the exact same teenager that would do anything for my eyes to linger on her a second longer. I grinned slyly.

"I said it's fine. I should be paying _you_ for being able to spend my night with this little bugger." I kissed the tip of his little round nose gently and he completely lost it in a fit of laughter that I couldn't help but take part in. Mary Margaret didn't take long to laugh along with him.

"Please let me, I feel like I scammed you." I sighed.

"Fine. But I expect you to bring Leo," I said. She was about to interrupt, but I stopped her with my hand. "This is the only way you can make me go." She smiled at me with clear adoration in her jade eyes.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at seven."

"No, you won't. I'm not getting in that horrible chunk of metal you call a car."

"Leo's car seat is in there. I had enough trouble getting it _into_ the car, I'm not taking it out." I huffed.

"Fine. I will let you pick me up." Mary Margaret wiped her hands on a napkin and reached out for Leo. I handed him over and got up from my seat.

"It's a date," I said, strutting out of the diner without the coffee I wanted. It was worth it to see Mary Margaret blushing lavishly from the confines of my car, before pulling out of the parking lot and driving to the town hall. Just because she deserves a painful death doesn't mean I can't go and visit the things she _does_ have. I let the feeling of Leo's tiny fingers on mine linger, while grinning. He already has my black heart in the palm of his hands.


	2. Illuminate My Dreary Life

I never knew how something so precious could represent someone so evil. Leo was nothing like Leopold, and I'm going to make sure of that, as he grows up here. And the only way I can do that is to become friends with Mary Margaret, so I can spend time around him. Maybe I could tolerate her for long enough to be with little Leo. I'm afraid he has me wrapped around his finger already.

Mary Margaret is going back to the school next week to introduce her students to Leo, and then she'll go back to teaching. Maybe Leo could use some company.

I zipped up my tight black dress and checked my reflection in my mirror. I sat down at my vanity and put a pair of small, sparkly amethyst earrings in. I swept my hair back over my shoulders and stood back up, pulling on my black heels.

Mary Margaret was just pulling up in her car, and I nearly gagged. I hope that driving with her is worth it to see Leo for an extra few minutes. I walked down the walkway and climbed into the passenger seat of her car. The interior of her car is much worse than the exterior, and I didn't hesitate to tell her that, while turning around in my seat to see Leo wiggling in his car seat.

"You're just jealous you're car doesn't look this nice," Mary Margaret said at my insults. I chuckled.

"No, I'm just rather nervous that Leo has to endure a vehicle as horrible as this one."

"Well, if you're offering, I'll take your car then," she quipped. I laughed.

"I'm _definitely_ not offering." She rolled her eyes mockingly. I turned back to the infant in the back. I played with him until I felt the car decelerate and stop. I climbed out of the car and opened the door to get Leo and his plastic carrier.

"Here, I can take that," Mary Margaret said, grappling onto the carrier. I let her take that, while I held Leo. He was wearing a pair of jeans with an elastic waistband, and a t-shirt with a lion printed onto it. He looked adorable in anything, but he looked especially cute in anything with a lion. I told him how handsome he was while following Mary Margaret into the diner and to a booth.

I slid into the booth with Leo still bouncing in my arms. Mary Margaret put his carrier beside me, nodding her head towards it. I got the hint and wrapped his blanket around him as I laid him down in the carrier.

"Thank you for agreeing to dinner with me, and thank you so much for taking care of him," Mary Margaret gushed.

"It was no trouble," I brushed off. She didn't see eye to eye with me, apparently. She went on about how she hasn't got out much since she got Leo, and I kept telling her to stop thanking me.

"You're going back to school next Tuesday?"

"Yeah, sadly. I don't think I'll be able to let him go."

"Maybe I could look after him in my office."

"You can do that?"

"As long as he isn't disturbing a meeting, then yes. I don't see why not." I turned to Leo. "Yeah, if your mother agrees, you can come to work with me when _she's_ working." Mary Margaret swooned over us both, an action that didn't go unnoticed by me. I can tell she's getting used to a softer version of myself.

"Of course. I don't think I trust anyone else with him."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Why do you trust me? What made you trust me?"

"You're so good with him, and the only other person who can hold him without him crying the whole time. I've seen how good you are with him, and I have no doubt that you can keep him safe." I smirked to stop a grin.

"I'm not surprised. You love me, don't you, bud," I said to him, running a finger over his cheek. His eyes lit up before he started grinning at me. Someone finally came over to take our drink orders, and Mary Margaret whipped out a bottle of milk from her diaper bag.

"Can you pass him over to me?" I nodded and slid the carrier carefully over the table to her waiting hands. She cooed to him and offered a bottle of milk to him. He started drinking immediately. She smiled down at him.

"Are you ready to go back to school?" Mary Margaret snapped her head back up.

"Oh yeah, I've missed my students. I just don't want to leave Leo, even if I know he's in great hands." I nodded.

"I can't imagine the feeling, parting with a child you just received, even only for a few hours."

"It's awful," Mary Margaret complained. "I nearly didn't go out with Ruby and Ashley when you babysat for him."

I was about to say something, when the woman came back with our waters.

"What can I get you," she asked in a sickly high voice.

"Lasagne," I said.

"Mac and cheese," Mary said, more kindly than I did. The waitress cooed at the baby before retreating back to the kitchen. I heard Leo whine and fuss, while I smirked. She wasn't kidding when I was the only stranger he was good for.

"I'm not sure how this slipped my mind, but how many months is he?"

"Leo is a month and a half," she said proudly. I beamed back at her, then turned to Leo in his carrier and grinned.

We ate our dinner with a steady conversation flowing, and I held Leo when we finished and talked. I didn't see how time had slipped past us when my gaze flicked to the neon clock near the kitchen.

"We should get going, I'm guessing Leo isn't going to be very happy if we stay out much longer." Mary Margaret turned in her seat and gasped.

"Oh god, I wasn't expecting to be out this late. I guess we _should_ get going." I nodded and watched Mary Margaret fish around in her jeans pockets. I smirked and reached into my purse, threw a twenty dollar bill onto the table, and stood up.

"Regina, don't be silly. I invited you, I'm paying," Mary Margaret said. I knew I wouldn't win, so I sighed and withdrew my money. Mary Margaret pulled out her wallet and dropped money onto the table.

"Okay, let's go." Mary Margaret picked up Leo's carrier and led me to her car. Leo's eyelids were drooping and he was yawning. I chuckled and held his little fist in my hands, running my finger over the back of his hand. He didn't laugh like he usually did, he just smiled sleepily.

"Oh, we have to get you home, hey bud," Mary Margaret spoke, pulling him out of the carrier and transferring him to the car seat. I hopped into the front seat once I knew she didn't need any help, and Mary Margaret climbed into her seat and twisted her keys in the ignition.

"I had a really fun time tonight," Mary Margaret said earnestly.

"I did too."

"Would you mind if…I asked you to come to dinner with me again?"

"As long as Leo comes along," I said. She laughed.

"Of course." I smiled mildly. "You're actually quite pleasant to talk to. I don't know what everyone's thinking." My eyebrow quirked.

"Excuse me?" She slowly flushed a deep red.

"It's just…some people don't really-"

"-Spare me the details, dear. I know I'm not very lenient or pleasant to be around or anything. I believe that title belongs to you." She flushed an even deeper shade of red and her hands shuddered slightly on the wheel. I grinned.

"I think everyone's wrong about you. You just don't want to show it."

"I'm afraid you're wrong. This is me, and only me."

"I don't think so," Mary Margaret said cryptically. I knew exactly what that tone of her voice meant. That was the voice she used as a child when she wanted to find out something. I didn't pay attention to it, because her inquiries and questions are of no concern to me. I wasn't lying when I said that I'm nothing more than unpleasant and cold.

Mary Margaret pulled up to the curb and sighed.

"Would you like to do dinner with us next Wednesday? We can go to a fancier place, if you like. I can pick you up at seven?" she asked. I smiled at 'us.'

"I'd love to. We can still go to Granny's if you still aren't sure about bringing him to a fancier restaurant." I turned to Leo. "It's a date," I said sweetly. He was asleep in his seat but smiling softly.

I got out of the car and walked up the path, stealing a final glance at the station wagon before unlocking my door. My house was quiet and lonely. It'd be nice to have a child of my own causing havoc in my house. At least it wouldn't be boring.

I picked up Leo from Mary Margaret's place early Tuesday morning to bring him to my office. When I knocked on her door, I could here Mary talking to herself, accompanied with the sound of frantic feet flying around the apartment. I knocked louder once more, and checked the doorknob. Unlocked. I shrugged and strode into the apartment.

Mary Margaret was in nothing but a towel, hair still wet and a toothbrush in her mouth. She threw papers into her bag and checked on Leo every few seconds. I cleared my throat, and she turned around like I caught her doing something she shouldn't. She gasped.

"Oh my god," she said, blushing wildly, before scurrying into the bathroom. I chuckled and heard her wet towel fall to the floor, and more rustling. She came out with a bathrobe on.

"Sorry, I thought you would be…decent." She chuckled and went back into the bathroom. The sink turned on and off, then the toothbrush was gone from her mouth.

"Anyways, thank you for doing this. You're such a big help, you have no idea. Can you do me another favour? Leo needs a changing, and then if you can get him dressed, that would be amazing." I nodded and picked Leo up out of his plastic carrier. I took him upstairs and changed him. After, I dressed Leo up in a pair of black sweatpants and a plain red sweater. He could wear a plastic bag and still look adorable. I heard her hairdryer turn on when we descended the stairs. I dressed Leo up in a pair of black sweatpants and a plain red sweater. He could wear a plastic bag and still look adorable.

"Mary Margaret, does Leo need anything else?"

"No, thank you. He should have anything he needs in his diaper bag." Mary Margaret came back out of the bathroom, fully dressed. "Thank you so much." She turned to Leo and grinned wider. "I'll see you later, mister monkey." She kissed him on both his cheeks, then laid him down into the carrier again.

"Alright, you'll pick him up at three thirty?" I confirmed.

"You got it," she said. "See you two later," she called, before we left.

I strapped Leo into the booster Mary Margaret gave me and set off to town hall. When we parked, I heard him fuss a little bit.

"Are you hungry," I asked him. He calmed down a little bit, but still whined quietly. I chuckled and pulled him out of his seat and put him in the stroller. I set it up with ease and rolled him into the building.

My receptionist cocked an eyebrow, but lit up when Leo grinned.

"Is this Leo Blanchard?"

"Yes," I confirmed. She walked around the desk and over to him, and he burst into tears immediately. I smiled pathetically and wheeled him into the office.

Throughout the day, I rocked the stroller, fed him, and when I found a break, took him for a walk around the neighbourhood. I wish this could be my life every day. Maybe it could be somehow, in the future. I could have a child, it could be possible. I just have to sell my soul to the devil and pray for forgiveness, then maybe I might have a chance.


	3. Where Do I Stand?

Mary Margaret was five minutes late to the office to pick up Leo, and the little baby didn't have a problem with voicing his dissatisfaction. He was fussing more and more throughout the day, and the ball dropped when he started fussing, then gave it his all when he cried and wailed, filling my office with frustrated screeches.

Mary Margaret didn't bother knocking on my door when she undoubtedly heard his crying from the hall. She rushed to my side and offered to take him. I willingly gave him over and tried to pry his hands off a handful of my hair.

"I'm so sorry, Madame Mayor, he's always really grumpy when he knows I should be home," Mary Margaret said quickly.

"That's quite alright," I said, while watching her slowly calm him down. His tiny face, his reaching little hands, those piercing green eyes of his, he had me absolutely mesmerized. In a blink of an eye, he was no longer wailing and screeching, but giggling joyfully and making small gurgly sounds. Mary Margaret laughed and looked up at me.

"Would you like to get dinner with Leo and me tonight?" She asked me hopefully.

"I can't. I have some…unfinished business to attend to."

"Oh no, was Leo okay for you? I hope you didn't get-"

"That's not it," I assured her. "I just have lots of…stuff to do." She swallowed and nodded bashfully.

"Okay then. Thanks for watching him today," she said.

"If you need any help a different time, I'm always available," I offered.

"I'll keep that in mind, but I've already got Leo registered for daycare, starting tomorrow," she answered. I was the one to bow my head and nod shyly. "But I'll see you around."

"Yes." Mary Margaret turned Leo to me and took his arm in her hand to wave at me. "Bye Leo," I said tenderly. He giggled and screeched happily. I smiled at him one last time before Mary Margaret slung his bag over her shoulder and left.

I huffed to myself and dug out the bottle of cider hidden away in my desk, along with a tumbler. I sat down on the leather armchair near the fireplace and poured myself a drink, which turned into two, three, four, I lost count by the time my receptionist called through the door to check on me.

"Regina, are you alright?" she called.

"Yes, I'll just be finishing up," I said, voice hoarse and slow, but not yet slurred. I was surprised, I sounded much more sober than I was. I heard shuffling on the other side of the door, then a click, then silence. I relocated to the couch so I could lay down fully. My head was swirling and I nearly dropped my glass, but I told myself I was fine. I was, wasn't I? I couldn't tell anymore.

If I hadn't had more than two drinks of cider, I would've called Mary Margaret and said I would like to go to dinner with her and Leo, but I was already half past drunk, and if I called now, I would undoubtedly confess to every single crime I've ever committed or tell her I was lonely or something.

I should've called before I started drinking, because now I'm too drunk to stand _and_ lonely. That's never a good combination with someone of my history, but I couldn't care less, because I was currently immobile, on the brink of tears, and longing for a human being of some sort. No, more like Daniel. Yeah, he's the only human I want now. And Leo. Possibly Mary Margaret, if she couldn't talk. No, maybe she would be able to talk.

Her voice is so calming sometimes. And her hands. I remember a night in the Enchanted Forest when she snuck into my room after Leopold's horrible 'nightly visits,' and she didn't know what I was crying about, only that she wanted to do something about it. She rubbed my shoulders, then hugged me and told me that I was pretty, how she appreciated me, how much she loved me, and even kissed my temple. I always wondered why she didn't tell me that everything was okay, that I'd be okay, that I shouldn't be sad. Then I always wondered why she said she loved me. I knew she had some sort of infatuation with me; I was miserable, but I wasn't blind. I asked myself why. What did I do to make her love me, and how she could possibly fall in love with a blossoming monster.

I never made her life easy but she kissed my forehead that night and said she was lucky to have me. I think I was twenty one at the time, so she must've been fifteen. Everything before the King's death blurred into one horrible instance, including the years I spent there, and how old I was when it happened. I only remember the first time Leopold defiled me, on the first night of our marriage. That was the worst night of my entire life. It stuck with me to this day.

I never should've gotten drunk. I don't have many regrets, but I can say this is one of them. I didn't ask for a trip down memory lane, but that's exactly what I got myself into. Instead, I took an even longer journey through my life, and closed my eyes as I saw an image of Daniel flood the space behind my eyelids. I felt the memory of his big but soft hands wrapping around me as I drifted off against him.

I woke up the next morning hugging what I thought was Daniel, but it happened to be a throw pillow from the couch. I quickly threw it to the other side of the couch, but it didn't travel far. My arms were far too sore, for some reason. The rest of me was sore and rusted as well, and I had trouble getting my legs off the couch and onto the floor. I sat up slowly, with help from the back of my couch. I haven't drunken this much since I celebrated Snow White's sleeping curse.

I heard whispered voices outside my office and saw the shadow of someone, a woman. I grumbled and again, used the couch to help me onto my feet. Something from outside shuffled, and the voices continued.

I forced myself to my desk chair and crossed my aching legs under the desk. The door opened and Mary Margaret and Leo came in. I mustered up a smile, but my muscles didn't work and I kept scowling. Mary chuckled.

"I'm going to assume you aren't in the right state of mind to talk, so I'll just reschedule our meeting." I couldn't make my eyebrows twitch confusedly, so I just tipped my head to the right. "Ah yes, you're to hungover to remember the meeting I scheduled a few days ago, to discuss the school's budget. I can come back tomorrow," Mary Margaret muttered with finality and adjusted the baby on her hip before turning to leave.

"Wait," I called out. She turned back around, and I could clearly see the annoyance etched onto her fair face.

"You stood me—us—up for a bottle of cider?"

"A bottle and a little bit," I corrected, "and I didn't feel up for socializing."

"You know I wouldn't have made you talk, I just didn't want you to be alone, and I'm sure Leo wanted to stay with you. He was fussy all night, and I tried everything to soothe him." I felt a sting of pride when she said that, but being Leo's favourite person at the moment wasn't important for right now.

"I just wanted to be alone," I half-confessed. I didn't tell her how horrible a mistake it was _after_ the drinks. She nodded and looked down at her scuffing feet. "You can sit down," I told her sarcastically. She chuckled and sat down, balancing Leo on her knee.

"Are you sure you can do a budget meeting today?" she asked me softly.

"Of course I am, now what were you wanting to discuss?"

* * *

My hangover lasted until early afternoon, then I started to feel a bit better. Mary Margaret texted me during the kids' recess to ask how I was doing, and see if I wanted to join her and Leo on an 'adventure' in the park. I willing agreed and felt my disdain for her lessen. I blamed it on Leo, and I absolutely hated it. Just to make myself hate her more, I thought about Daniel and Leopold, and it worked, but not as much as I hoped it would. In a perfect world, I wouldn't need convincing that I hated her with a passion hotter than the sun. Now, Leo has softened me. Maybe even Mary Margaret herself, but I couldn't think like that. If I did, it could do despicable things to me, things I can't afford.

I let my receptionist lock up the building after five o'clock rolled around, and I'm pretty sure she stayed longer than me to make sure I wouldn't drink again. I didn't dream of it upon remembering how the apple cider hit me in the head harder than a few dozen airplanes.

I met Mary Margaret and Leo at the parking lot of her apartment. By the time I got there, Mary Margaret and Leo were waiting outside near the doors. Mary was pacing with the stroller, and I heard Leo babbling nonsense. Once she could hear my footsteps, she turned around and smiled at me. I smirked back and immediately knelt in front of Leo's stroller to greet him. Once I repeated his nonsensical mumbling back to him and made him laugh excitedly, I stood up and smiled at the woman in front of me before turning around and leading the two out of the parking lot.


	4. Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support, you guys are great. I hope you enjoy. This chapter gets a bit darker, just a heads up.
> 
> TW: I decided to add a trigger warning for eating disorder, but I don't think it requires a higher rating. Trigger warning will be marked.

I didn't know what to expect when I got her text saying we would take an 'adventure' in the park, but I pretended to be excited for Leo.

"What is the name Leo short for?"

"Nothing. Leo is his full name listed on his birth certificate. I already put a copy of his certificate in a scrapbook."

"Why am I not surprised," I muttered under my breath. I found it interesting that she named him 'Leo' instead of 'Leopold.' Even with her cursed-self, she shouldn't know what her father's name was, unless it was already included in the curse.

"Why did you name him Leo?"

"I liked it. When I met him, immediately I thought Leo suited him."

"Leo's good, but I can think of better names," I quipped. She bit her lip slightly.

"What do you want to name _your_ kids?" I nearly choked on air, but didn't show it. I gave her an angry side-glance and paid attention to Leo instead, waving his arms around and begging for attention. I gave it to him and lifted him out of the stroller, giving him a, rather limited, with his position, bird's eye view of the street we walked down. While I wasn't looking, he reached up and tugged on the ends of my hair and I could swear he captured some with his mouth. I didn't care at the moment, as long as he was entertained. I saw him smiling at me and returned it, then a camera flashed from behind us.

I stopped smiling at him and slowly turned to see Mary Margaret looking at the picture emerging from the Polaroid camera she held.

"I'm putting this one in the scrapbook." She looked up and met my glare with doe eyes. "What?" She asked innocently.

"I'm not fond of my picture being taken," I stated.

"And?"

"This situation is no exception. Get rid of it."

"Why? You both look adorable." I got intimidatingly close to her, our noses touching and Leo was staring at us.

"I'm far from adorable and you will know just how _un-_ adorable I can be, so I suggest you trash it before I destroy you." Mary Margaret's eyes widened comically before she gave it to me to dispose of. I snarled and turned back around, adjusting Leo in my arms and talking to him. Mary Margaret stayed back and watched us, but I couldn't see any camera flashes from behind us, so I didn't mind. Even better if she stayed behind and didn't speak.

Just when I was starting to warm up to the idea of warming up to her, she decides taking a picture would be the best route to take. Whatever impulse told her to do that, I wished it died when I threatened her. I didn't want to do it with Leo around, but it had to be done. The picture burned a hole in the pocket of my coat and it was all I could think about when walking with Leo.

This situation reminded me of that boy and his father, so many years ago. How I wanted Owen to stay so I could be a mother, but he didn't want me. It made me fret what the little boy in my arms would do to me. I pushed the thought from my mind as I held the epitome of innocence and happiness in my arms. He wasn't old enough to understand what's happening, therefore couldn't make a decision and hurt me like that.

Leo was dozing on my shoulder by the time we got to the park, which was really only a fifteen minute walk. I smiled down at him and turned to Mary Margaret, her heart melting once she saw him peacefully sleeping, drooling on my pantsuit. I laid him back down in the stroller, buckled him up, and reluctantly walked beside Mary Margaret instead of in front.

"I'm sorry about the picture," she muttered.

"I know you are," I answered shortly. We walked through the gate and passed piles of fallen leaves. It was barely the beginning of fall and already, trees were completely bare.

"I love the fall," I commented absentmindedly. "The colours, falling leaves, Halloween, the horror movies, everything." Mary Margaret smiled.

"It's very pretty. I think my favourite season is spring." I tilted my head to look at her. "I love the idea of new beginnings, the flowers, the regrowing of leaves. It's surreal. Nature is surreal."

We made it to a park bench, where we decided to take a rest. Mary Margaret rocked the stroller back and forth. The air smelled crisp and cool, and if I excluded the company of Mary Margaret, it was a good end to my day.

"Why did we come out here?" I asked Mary Margaret.

"I thought because you and Leo were inside all day, that he would want to go for a walk. And maybe we would get a snack, then walk back." I turned back to the view in front of us and rolled my eyes.

"I don't need you worrying about my personal health, thank you. I go outside all the time." Mary Margaret scrutinized me.

"When?"

"I go for a run every morning before work and I check on my garden every evening after work." She raised an eyebrow.

"I just find it hard to believe that you get off work in time to go outside, let alone have dinner and relax."

"What are you implying, Miss Blanchard?"

"That you're a workaholic and you might not take care of yourself all the time." I growled lowly. Mary Margaret would never be so bold. This must be the doing of Snow White.

"You do not get to tell me I'm not taking care of myself, because I'm doing just fine. I suggest you keep comments like that to yourself, they are only measly deductions based on my worth ethic. _Wrong deductions, I might add. I will see you around, Miss Blanchard." I stood up and angrily stomped off to the park exit, navigating my way home._

—Mentions of TW—

The nerve she has, making assumptions about my eating habits and well-being because I tend to work late. What makes me laugh is that my eating habits, at least, are not dictated by my work schedule, but dates back to when Mother influenced my every choice. It only took a snide, passive-aggressive comment to make me either skip meals for the next week or throw up the food I ate, or to eat when she said I looked too skinny. It was none of Mary Margaret's business, sticking her nose into my life, and I will see to it that she doesn't do so again. I would rather be alone than with her questioning my well-being. I was taught my well-being doesn't matter anyways, but mother isn't here to claim that hers is the one that does matter.

—

The walk home was silent, the sky was getting darker, and few cars were left on the streets. I got inside and took off my jacket, exchanged my heels for boots, and went back outside.

My garden was coming along nicely, with the exception of my patch of pumpkins. They weren't ripe yet, which concerned me, and Halloween would only be two weeks away. I sighed and left the garden, kicking dirt off my boots as I neared the porch. I left my boots outside and searched the house for my cider. I found a bottle in the cupboard above the oven and popped it open without grace. I didn't bother finding a glass, I was too impatient for that. I took a long swig from the bottle and went upstairs, sighing as I acknowledged the nice, cooling tiles under my sore feet.

I started a bath for myself and poured in a decent amount of bubble mix. I heard my phone ring, but I ignored Mary Margaret. I knew it was her without answering, she was the only person who calls me.

I undressed and sank into the water, scorching heat enveloping my skin and relaxing my muscles. I considered adding a bit of cold water to cool the temperature down, but I didn't bother. I drank more of my cider and stared at the tiles on the bathroom wall, thinking about everything and nothing.

My vision blurred slightly when I looked around the room. I've gotten better at holding my alcohol, but on an empty stomach, I could already feel the effects setting in. I felt floaty, but that could've just been the water. The bottle of cider was three-quarters gone. I decided that was enough and placed it on the floor near the tub.

I didn't notice the water getting cooler until now, but it made me feel uncomfortable. I hopped out of the tub, narrowly missing the bottle of cider. I couldn't find the cork to the bottle, so I wrapped a towel around my dripping body to find it.

I found the cork in the kitchen, near my pantry. The clock on my oven read 8:15, but it was behind by an hour. My stomach demanded sustenance without an alcohol content, so I rummaged around in my pantry for a box of store-bought cookies.

—TW—

I try not to keep unhealthy foods in my pantry, especially when I'm drunk and my mother's voice tells me I look too skinny or fat or both. Her voice is there all the time, but when I'm drunk, she has a significantly more powerful hold on me.

I grabbed the tray and found a bag of veggie chips and box of crackers behind some cans of chicken broth. Because I didn't have anything else that would satisfy my craving, I brought a bag of snap peas and carrots too. I made my way to the den, opening the box of crackers. Every time Mother takes over like this, I try and eat slowly, so if I eat slower, Mother won't make me eat so much and won't make me throw it up. She always wondered how I lost weight to fit her standards, and this was how. I'm not proud of it, and I've tried stopping, but I can't. She isn't the only one who tells me these things about my figure. I've spent many nights worrying about my body.

I tried to stray from the less healthy foods first, and went through half the bag of peas and carrots. I only ate two cookies before I felt myself growing sick. I ate one more before rushing upstairs to the washroom. This time, I didn't have to make myself throw up, weeks of small or skipped meals did that for me.

Once the vomiting stopped, I flushed the toilet, brushed my teeth, and curled up in a ball on the floor. _I hope you're happy, Mother. You made me miserable_ and _skinny._ I didn't notice the tears blurring my sight, but I didn't stop them. Mary Margaret was right. I needed to apologize to her, but I already knew I'd be incapable of doing so. If I apologized, that would mean that she was right, and if she tried helping me, that would be the final straw and end of our little get-togethers with Leo. I didn't need help. I'm perfectly fine on my own.

_I should've killed Mother sooner._

I hated this part. After the throwing up comes the self-loathing, the not-looking-at-myself-in-mirrors, and the deep dark pit my teenaged self lives in. This is what rock-bottom looked like for me. It's been a while since I got this low, maybe a bit more than half a decade, but nobody's counting.

_I should've killed Mother sooner._

_I shouldn't have bought those foods at all._

_I should've been better._

_I wish I was enough._


End file.
